Joans jottings

Well that was weird. I’ve just got back from an appointment at the Crematoria. I wasn’t entirely sure what this meeting entailed but I required more information so that was how I approached this visit.

The Crematoria is new, only commissioned (if thats the term) early 2018. I knew this because Sue told me a few weeks ago that Vernon had the honour of being the first one through this high tech facility!

The premises are new and in the industrial area on a large site. Entering the large foyer, resplendent in all manner of merchandise available to keep one’s loved ones cremains. Sarah was there to greet me looking very professional in her corporate uniform. She ushered me into her office and politely offered her and the company’s condolances, also enquiring about how I was at this sad time. That almost brought me undone but I’m getting better at this so managed to hold it together.

She explained that Chris was in safe keeping and that I wasn’t to worry. We needed to discuss where Chris’s gremains would be stored. At this stage she went to a shelf and brought two containers of different sizes over to show me what they use. The large one held all the cremains or 2 small ones which held half each!! This depended on where the gremains would be placed. Some positions did allow the large container but other positions could only accomodate the half which left the decision of how I wished to deal with the remainder.

Today was about deciding on tempory storage until permanent arrangements were made. In the meantime I signed appropriate papers for them to continue to keep Chris’s cremains until his permanent resting place is ready. They will keep him safe in their secure premises with CCTV. I thanked her for her help and she repeated that there wasn’t any hurry to get things done. So I left there feeling rather stunned.

Bureaucracy!!!! Living in our so called “enlightened times”, believe me it’s not easy to navigate. Made more difficult by my labile emotions which come to the surface no matter how “in control” I kid myself I am. This I’m told, will continue for ?? amount of time. Something to work through.

On a positive note, I’ve finally caught up with another special friend who is also recently widowed (not sure I like that title). Our friendship goes back to the early days/ introduction of designated Coronary Care Units in the public health system (1974). I had been seconded from the medical ward and Sue had just arrived in Australia from England with her soon to be husband. Interesting times which grew into a special friendship spanning attempts to become golfers (didn’t happen although I did perfect my swing), I think kids hampered our prospect of devoting ourselves to the game. No regrets there. We also tried the local gym but at that time there weren’t a lot of women, only sweaty muscle bound males which put paid to that. We shared many memorable times and I’m sure more to come.

It was also good to get back to our DfG sewing group. Looking forward to Saturday’s fundraising afternoon tea at Jan R beautiful home. Even better because I’ve invited Denise to come along with me.

Denise & I enjoyed seeing Christopher Robin last week. We went with the intention of seeing Ladies in Black but mixed up the times so decided to go with Christopher Robin. I needed a feel good movie and it ticked the box.

October is a busy birthday month and this week has been Jake’s who turns 7 and Shakira’s who turns 11. The big one though would have been Chris’s 70th coming up on the 22nd. We plan to have a family gathering on Sunday to acknowledge the day.

At Tuesday lunch, Toni, who had offered to give me some guidence/tuition on how to use Chris’s SLR camera, offered to come over on Friday. So as instructed, I’ve charged up the battery and it’s ready to go.

The fellas met last week for lunch and will continue to meet monthly. I’m told that an unopened bottle of red that Chris had taken previously was opened on the day.

Rolling solo local group arranged to meet for coffee yesterday so I took the opportunity to join them. They are an inspiring group of women who support/encourage each other to continue traveling alone or tag along to enjoy organised events/gatherings around Australia. They are well organised and have a very impressive well structured/resoursed web site.

Now, in daylight saving mode, I need to get out walking with and without the dog. For some reason it’s proving hard to just go! Something to work on. I could blame the weather, that would be valid but the rain has been welcome.

Today it’s my KIA Ceratos turn for a service.

I’m waiting on their bus to take me back home.

It’s not been hard to keep busy. I’ve met up with Tuesday lunch ladies each week, wouldn’t miss it

Our catechist friends called in for afternoon tea last Friday. They brought an amazing cake with them which went down very well. Rogee had made up a book with all their corresponding and photos taken with Chris. A very thoughtful gesture and much appreciated. I am grateful for their friendship.

I’ve had other catch ups with friends and family. The boys invited me over for tea on the weekend and the grandkids were there also, bonus! Little things like eating at the table and cultery etiquette we take for granted. It was an opportunity to hone their skills!

The girls have staggered their overnight stays which is always a welcome event.

All the reminants of the floral tributes have now gone. I can report though that some of my cuttings look as though they have struck. More surprises ahead.

I’m doing my research on a more suitable travelling set up for me. I think a small motorhome is the way to go. I’ve discovered some interesting web sites for solo travelers. Apparently it’s a growing demographic.

Had coffee/ lunch with Jenny M. She is also adjusting to life without Vince. Even after 1 year she is finding it hard.

I must say I am enjoying binge watching Grace and Frankie on Netflix, thanks to Robyn.

Looks like my transport is ready so time to go.

Today the MUX is booked in for its 50000k service. All it has on the clock is 34000ks. Paul put up some ks when his vehicle was off the road recently . I have given it a few runs but thats all. I must say I enjoy driving it. I seem to default back to my little Cerato which I also like driving. Soon I’ll have to make a decision on which one to keep. They are both up for rego!

The door bell rang a couple of days ago and there stood our postie with a registered letter in his hand. Its been 4 weeks and Chris’s official death certificate finally arrived. Its hard to describe my feelings but suffice to say they caught me by surprise. End result, more tears!

Now I can work on getting things in order.

I went into the health fund office last week to notify them and adjust the policy. The lady on the desk was busy on the phone and nobody else was waiting so I stayed. She finished and I managed to begin to state my business and was fine till she offered me condolances and then the tears came! She asked if I wanted a cup of tea and I said yes if she was having one. She went away and was soon back with 2 cups of tea in nice China mugs plus a cream biscuit! We managed to sort things out and it still amazes me that we had so long undesturbed. I couldnt believe that she was so kind. Normally you stand in line but that day nobody was there.

On Monday, Karen and John S came over to help me get an idea of what wood working tools/equipment, plus timbers Chris had collected. They, John and Chris had discussed wood working projects in the past and I was going to be the recipient of a hand crafted box from selected timbers Chris had purchased on our trips to Tasmania. John asked if he could select some of these timbers and he would make me a memory box for Chris’s keepsakes. More tears!

I really look forward to Tuesday lunch with my wonderful friends, they are such a comfort.

Denise and I saw The Book Club recently and had lunch afterwards.

My garden is now getting some much needed attention. Sharon and I did a lot of weeding over the weekend so I’m very happy. Even planted some cuttings, iris’s and plants I got from Aunty Isabell’s house. She recently moved to a retirement unit. I also took cuttings of carnations and chrysanthamums from some of the beautiful floral arrangements we recieved.

My modified vegie patch, which I’d prepared earlier, is planted up with tomatoes, lettuce, spinach, beans, snow peas, raddish, zucchini and rhubarb Lynda had given me from her garden in Comboyne. So far my dog proofing appears to be working!

It’s another beautiful day and it looks like the MUX is ready to go.

It is a week since Chris’s funeral. Time seems meaningless yet so much has happened and the changes are profound.

He would have approved of the mass, celebrated by the clergy he respected most, Bishop Peter Ingham, Father David O’Brien and Father Clem Hill (all now recently retired). It’s what he would have wanted.The music was provided by a good friend who helped me choose what Chris would like. The church flowers also beautifully arranged by a good friend.

I was comforted by the readings and eulogy delivered by good friends and family members. And I was overwhelmed to see the full church of family, friends and acquaintances. It was a fitting tribute to Chris by the many people who had been in his life.

Many of those present gathered afterwards at the Golf Club for refreshments and to reminisce. It was lovely to mingle and catch up with those present.

My house is like a florist shop. Each bunch/arrangement is beautiful yet different. As they fade the reality of life without Chris becomes more real.

There are so many cards of sympathy and condolence.

Lynda went home a few days ago and I am grateful for the time she spared for me. Robyn and Sharon have been staying until yesterday which has helped me enormously as there has been and is so much to do. The boys are back at work and only a phone call away. My friends network are there for me and Tuesday lunch continues. The fellas met at Bally Pub in Chris’s honour for Tuesday lunch and have decided to continue to met on a monthly basis.

Now it’s just the dog and me under this roof which is nice yet sad. Guess I’ll take each day as it comes, the tears are never far away.

After 6 days on the palliative care ward, Chris passed away peacefully at 8pm on 27/08/2018.

The family had been called to the hospital at 8am as Chris’s condition had deteriorated and it was only a matter of time. We stayed at his bedside and shared his last hours with some of his/our close friends and mates.

Chris, in his own inimitable style choose the moment. He waited till Sharon and I had left the hospital. I was fumbling at the front door to find the key in the dark when I got the phone call from Robyn to say that he had just passed away. She and Ian were with him. His passing was peaceful.

RIP dear husband, father, poppy, brother, uncle and friend.

We are trying to spend as much time with Chris as we can. Yesterday, Fran, Chris’s youngest sister, came to visit.

Also a group of catechists from his church came to pray for Chris. I’m sure he was aware of their presence. He looked around the sea of faces.
He had done a lot of work 2 years ago to review, set up/ implement a program to recruit and train scripture teachers to go into the public schools in the parish to reach the children of parish familys who wished to be included in the sacremental programes. He spent many hours before he was satisfied that enough had been done. When he was hospitalized last year, things were in place to continue the work. The catechists maintained contact with Chris and have been genuinely saddened by the situation he is now in. I appreciate their prayers and concern.

It never ceases to amaze me how Chris, even now, can draw people together.

I find myself writing this with tears in my eyes. Chris is now in his own room in the palliative care ward. Things are as pleasant as they can be and the staff are very caring. He is conscious for periods of time and I can see that some recognition is present. With close friends around him yesterday, he managed to give a smile, wittnessed by all present. I shall cherish that.

Paul came up with our 4 grandchildren for them to see their poppy. They were aware of how sick poppy was but wanted to see him. It was interesting to see their reactions as they faced the probability of not seeing Chris again. He means a lot to them and has been an important part in their young lives.

I had some time with Chris on my own. This time is precious and so bitter sweet.

Ian had a few hours alone with his dad after I left and Robyn went up about 11:30 to stay overnight.

I was touched by the kindness of Laura’s mum who made a casserole for us which was very welcome last night. Thankyou Cathy.

Recently I sent Robyn out with a shopping list that included 2 bunches of broccolini. I was keen to try a new recipe for an asian side dish of which broccolini was the hero. Guests would be here soon.

Robyn returned with the groceries including 1 kilo of broccoli instead of broccolini.

What do you do with a kilo of broccoli?